The Empire Strikes Back


Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away the Star Wars raged… well, maybe not that long ago, and the galaxy was not that far… but that’s completely unrelated – we have a very different story!


A Completely False Story About How It All Began

Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away the Star Wars raged… well, maybe not that long ago, and the galaxy was not that far… but that’s completely unrelated – we have a very different story!

Once upon a time, there was a republic uniting many different planets that produced a lot of different wine. Sure, as in any republic, there were things both good and bad. There were some good, honest producers who just made good wine. There was a scheming and shifty Trade Federation that sold bad wine everywhere. There were decent free traders that smuggled good wines on the blocked planets under the Federation’s nose, and there were evil hutts that mixed bad wine with the good and sold it under the guise of Thunderbird or something akin to that. And yes, of course – there was an order of some Jedi oenologists, but nobody really knew what they were up to anyway. So all in all, a normal life.

But chancellor Parkertin decided to change that. He wanted all the wine to be good and just the way he liked it. And by the way of cunning, persuasion, fine words and other tawdry he realised his idea. And also, we guess, he was somehow really cool – some sort of Sith.

Anyway, he defeated everyone, dispersed the Jedi and created his own empire. And there he ruled. And all the wine became good and liked by him. And others who did not make the wine according to his tastes were either executed or exiled to Tatooine (to Syberia, in other words).

And that’s the story.

Attack of the Clones

Of course, it’s not how it really happened. And naturally it’s not just Parker who’s responsible for what’s happening right now. But the result is still the same. Modern communication methods, marketing technologies, business globalisation, open borders – all of it led to wine becoming just another product that’s being made by giant corporations using the same technology and then spread all over the world. And those who don’t belong to the corporations try to make their wine more similar to the corporative standards so that it will also be bought, by the way.

Modern science allows to make a nearly faultless wine with a precise prescribed taste. It can hardly be called wine anymore. But the world drinks it.

There are small islands of resistance – places where the wine has been made for centuries. Not everyone is ready to join the globalisation faction in the chase for economical gain. But there are so few of them. Pitifully few. And you’ll never see their wine advertised in the glossy magazines. They don’t have corporate budget for the marketing. They just love wine. And they make it like their fathers and forefathers did it.

The Last Hope

No, we are not Jedi. But we really don’t like living in this empire. We don’t like drinking wine with the same precisely calibrated taste. We don’t like being deceived and told to drink some winey juice produced by J&J under the guise of wine. And even though we don’t have lightsabers, we have glasses and we have good wine. True wine. Yes, that wine that can still be found in the right place at the right time.

And we want to tell you about it. What those places are and how to find them. How to tell true Jedi from… wait, no, true wine from the marketing juices.

    And also:

  • how to drink;
  • how to open bottles;
  • how to sell empty bottles;
  • and other different, useful and not so useful pieces of knowledge.

Somehow we just decided that what we talk about over a bottle of wine might be of interest to someone else. That our knowledge, stories and experience may be of use to others. That’s why we gathered together, drank a little and decided to tell you about it all.

Enough with drinking the marketing slogans!
We’re searching for true wine. Join us!
And may the Force be with us!

This text was written about five years ago for the “About the project” page. After an update we rewrote that page, but decided to keep the story about the Jedi… for a sentimental value.



    Submit a Comment

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <b> <em> <i> <strong>